I like people. I do.
I like people but I like them in short bursts. I don’t like people for extended periods of time. I’m alright with them for a little while but, except when I’m drinking alcohol, once you get up past twenty or twenty-five minutes-and-a-half, I got to get the fuck out of there.
My reason for this is I have a very low tolerance for stupid bullshit and everyone wants to tell you their stupid bullshit. A lot of them don’t know when to stop talking. Do you ever run into those guys? Doesn’t know when to stop talking. They just continue, their mouths running like verbal diarrhea. They don’t know when the conversation’s over. Trite, stupid shit, things you’re not even remotely interested in.
While the stupid motherfucker is still telling his stupid story, you’re searching in your mind for something diplomatic and tactical and graceful that you can say to help end the conversation.
All that you ever came up with was
Blow it out your ass! or
Shut the fuck up!
But you can’t say that. Good manners do not permit you to. You’ll have to find another way and I go to body language. I find myself leaning on a 45-degree angle, trying to indicate the direction that I’d like to go so this person would just shut the fuck up. I might even give him a verbal cue. “Surgery! I’m late for surgery! I’m having my ears sewn shut!”.
Same people on the phone. Don’t know when to hang up, don’t know when the conversation’s over. Dumb and trivial shit, dumb and trivial questions. Once again, you’re searching in your mind for something diplomatic to say to help end the conversation but “Shut the fuck up!” still comes to mind, or “Shut your fucking piehole!”, or if he prefers cake “Shut your fucking cakehole!” might be good. But still, you can’t say those things and you can’t use body language on the phone.
Well, you can always amuse yourself you know. LOL. But that doesn’t move the conversation along. You have to find another trick and I go to toning my voice. Talk to them to a soft landing. Words such as “right”, “good”, “okay”, “alright then” may work.
If all else fails, just say “Shut the fuck up!” to them five or ten times then you hang up.
People nowadays do not understand what a phone call should be or what a phone call is. Ideally a phone call is the brief exchange of a few vital pieces of information. This is an example of phone call:
“Hey _____ when are we going to the mass?”, “Okay. I’ll be a bit late. You’ll have to go there without me.”, “Bye.”
That’s a phone call. It should not be a two-and-a-half hour story of your third cousin describing her mailman’s liposuction!