One of the things that kids have to put up with is rules. They’re not as bad as laws because they are not written down and they don’t throw you to the slammer when you break one of them.
I was never good at following rules as much as I am good at breaking them. I just thought most of them did not make any sense and awfully dumb so, fuck yeah, I break them. Some of them were good, no question about that, and most of them are really dumb.
No running while holding scissors. That’s one rule I never disobeyed. Made sense to me. When I was a kid there was a “no singing at the dining table during dinner” rule. Shit, what the fuck? Why is singing not allowed during that time? One guy with a bad voice screwed it up for everybody else? I kept asking why and they kept answering the same answer, which is
Because I said so!
Now that is a sign of a dumb rule. You could scream your head off the table. That wasn’t mentioned in the rule. You could stand near the table all day long and sing your head off! That also wasn’t mentioned in the rule.
Another form or torture that kids have to put up with are verbal clichés. Lazy language on their parent’s part. Saying the same thing the same all the time. Something they tell to their children about 1,800 times a day. No sense in trying to involve your imagination. They’ll say it over and over
“Get down off there or you’ll break your neck! Get down there or I’ll break your neck if I see you up there again! And pick up these toys! I nearly broke my neck walking into here!”
That was the only injury that I ever heard of. It’s the only injury they ever mentioned., and the worst one! Breaking your neck. They never mention anything like
“Get down there! You’ll sprain you ankle!”
O wait, there’s another injury that accompanied “breaking your neck”. It’s a delightful little thing and it’s “Pulling someone’s eye off”.
“Put that stick away! Put that stick down! You’re going to pull someone’s eye out!”
We, when we were kids, have answers to those clichés but we never get to deliver most of them. We had answers for every cliché they had, didn’t matter what it was.
Mom: “Don’t you understand English?”
Me: “Not fully. No.”
Mom: “How many times do we have to tell you?”
Me: “About six?”
*Mom slaps my forehead*
Me: “I thought you were looking for information?!”
Mom: “Don’t talk back to me!”
Me: “Huh? You’re teaching me a language aren’t you? We have to stop practicing all of a sudden?”
Mom: “You just wait until your father gets home!”
Me: “O great! That dude never gets home! Thanks, Ma!”
Then they’ll tell you to go to their room as though it will be a negative experience! Why did they give me the room in the first place if it’s such a bad spot?
Mom: “Go to your room!”
Me: “Hey that is where all my stuff is! Yay!”