Moses and the Red Sea

Thousands of Jews are supposedly enslaved by an Egyptian Pharaoh. We can’t find any evidence of that. None. Really, there’s none. We find evidences of great floods but enslaved Jews in Egypt? None outside of The Bible!

So Moses, we have no evidence of Moses outside of The Bible either, comes to the Pharaoh and says to him to let the Jews go. No note from God. Nothing. The Pharaoh says no.

Why wouldn’t God just appear to the Pharaoh and save them himself? Because His Holiness works in mysterious, inefficient and breathtakingly cruel ways. Pharaoh says no so God releases a set of ten plagues upon Egypt.

1.) All waters in Egypt turned into blood and all of the fish died. So the fish that gloated during the story of Noah got fucked in the water. God hates gloaters, you know.

2.) Frogs infest Egypt. If you’ve been to Egypt or read something about Egypt, you’ll know that Egypt is not a nice place for the frogs. *Wink*

3.) Lice cover every man and beast in Egypt. Normal for that period so no biggie.

4.) A cloud of swarming insects attack the Egyptians. That’s right God! Get the insects to fight the battle for you!

5.) A severe pestilence strikes the livestock. Well, they’re already covered in lice and frogs and bugs so they want to just die by now.

6.) All Egyptians are covered in Boils. Who can tell the fucking difference at this point?

7.) Thunder, Hail and Fire. Hail and frogs? A fucking mess!

8.) Locust swarm. So God wants to feed the frogs by pouring down a locust swarm.

9.) Darkness for Three days. Hey! At least you can’t see the gross things for three days!

10.) Death of every first-born Egyptian sons. Why didn’t God just smack the fuck out of the Pharaoh and preferred to kill every first-born? What kind of loving God does that? Killing innocent children. The children have to pay for the crime? You never hear that inside the church or see it in those children’s illustrated Bibles, do you?

Now the Jews are free and Moses leads them to the Read Sea and he parts the water as I part a woman’s pair of thighs and they danced on the corners of the sea. Literal story.

We are told that these newly freed people spent forty years wandering around the desert. They escaped as slaves from Egypt. There is not a shred of archaeological or historical evidence outside of The Bible that tells us that this is true, that it happened.

You would think that if some group, clan, or a tribe of people spent forty years wandering around the desert, they’d leave some archaeological or historical evidence. There’s absolutely none. There’s no evidence for the existence of Moses, either.

You would say that absence of evidence is not evidence of absence or simply because something isn’t mentioned doesn’t mean it didn’t exist.

I say that is not formal reasoning.

There are some guys who want to play in the realm of Science and they say they have evidence for their beliefs. Okay! Then what is it? Some people would say that they did not cross the Red Sea. They crossed the Sea of Reeds. The “Reed Sea” and if you get a good North Wind or a good off-shore breeze or so, it’ll dry up the land.

But once you buy the “Reed, not Red” thing, well that means that they just walked across a low-tide marsh on a windy day. What’s the miracle on that? The smell did not annoy them? Why give a Podunk explanation for a miracle? If it is not a miracle then it isn’t God. If it isn’t God then it is a bullshit story. So some people are trying to say that they walked across a dry marsh.

Isn’t that peeing on your own feet?


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