Having a Nice Day

I don’t have a nice day anymore. I think I’m beyond that now. I think I have outgrown that “nice day” concept. I think I’ve had my share. Why should I be hogging (Yes. Hogging. Not “hugging”) all the really nice ones? Let somebody else have a few but, of course, everybody wants me to have one.

“Have a nice day!”

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I have my change now?


Some of them are really insistent.

“I said have a nice day!”

Alright, alright! I’ll give it a shot! Geez!


That’s the trouble with “Have a nice day!”. It puts all the pressure on you. Now you’ve got to go out and somehow manage to have a good time! All because of some loose-lip cashier! Have a nice day… Maybe I don’t feel like having a nice day. Maybe, just maybe, I’ve already had 176 nice days in a row and I’m now ready for a crappy day! I never hear that. Well, we could imagine a scenario.

“Have a crappy day!”

“Thank you, and to your wonderful family as well!”


Crappy day. Hey, that’d be easy. That’s no trouble at all! Just get up! There’s no planning involved on a crappy day. I know what it is that bothers me about the whole thing. It is the word nice. It’s just a weak word. It doesn’t have a lot of character. Nice.

“Isn’t he nice?” or

“O he is so nice! She’s nice too! Isn’t that nice?” or

“How nice they are?!”


I don’t care for that, you know. It’s like fine. That’s another word. How are you?



Nobody is fine. Hair. Now that’s a thing that is fine. Isn’t your hair fine? How’s your hair?


That makes a lot more sense to me.


Some guys are great. You get to me one of them almost everyday and their lines are


“Isn’t this great?!”,

“Look! They’re going to kill that guy! Ain’t that great?!”.


No, not me. I’m not nice, I’m not fine, I’m not great. People ask me how I am. I say

“I’m fairly decent.”


I don’t give them superlatives. Nothing to gossip about. I am relatively okay. Sometimes I’ll say

“I’m moderately neat-o!”


When I’m in a particularly jaunty mood I’ll say

“I’m not unwell, thank you!”

That pisses them off because they have to figure that out for themselves!


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