Here’s a civic custom that I don’t understand:

Taking off your hat when a flag passes by or when you pass by a flag, or when some jackoff sings the national anthem they tell you to take off your hat.

What the fuck does a hat have to do with being patriotic? What possible relationship exists between the uncovered head and the feeling that is said to live in your heart?

Suppose your hat has the colors of your flag? Suppose you have a hat made out of a flag, why would you take it off to honor the flag? Wouldn’t you leave it on and point it toward the flag?

What’s so bad about hats that you have to take them off? I start to question this hat-shit when I was a kid. When I was a kid, I was a Catholic… Well, at least I reached the age of reason. During that time, one of the things that they told us was if a boy or a man went into a church he has to remove his hat in order to honor the presence of God but they’ve already told me that God was everywhere, so I used to wonder

Well if God was everywhere, why would we own a hat? Why not show your respect by not buying a hat at all?

Just to confuse things further, they told the women exactly the opposite. Catholic women and girls had to wear cover their heads when they go inside the church. Jewish men cover their when they go to temples and the Jewish women aren’t allowed to cover their heads so try to figure this shit out.

Catholic men, Jewish women = No hats

Catholic women, Jewish men = Hats

Somebody’s got the whole thing totally backwards, don’t you think?

What is this religious fascination with head gears? Every religion’s got a different hat. Do you ever notice that? Turban, Yarmulke, Kufi, Mitre, Wimple, Kalimavkion,  everybody’s got a hat! Personally I would not want to be a member of any group where you either have to wear a hat or you can’t wear  a hat.

I think all religion should have one rule and one rule only and that is

Hats optional.

That’s all you need to run a really good religion.


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