Literally!

One of the things that I don’t understand, one of my pet peeves is people who misuse the word “literally”. That drives me off the wall because when you misuse the word “literally”, you are using it in the exact opposite way it was intended. Sportscasters do that all time. They’re like

“He literally ripped his head off on that play! O my!”

I’m like “What?! No he didn’t. That guy shouldn’t be on that microphone describing things to people”.

“He literally grew wings and ascended to Heaven  where God blessed him with his godlike defensive blocking capability and he stayed in Heaven for seven glorious days and nights dining with the angels and God turned the switch off and stopped time here on Earth so he may do so and then send him back to the Earth and onto the field in the appropriate time and turned the switch backed on so we wouldn’t know what happened…”

Well, that’s an exaggerated example but still… You know what I mean. Ordinary people sometimes say

“Dude I literally shit my pants!”

What did you do?

“Ah. Dude I was laughing!”

No, I mean what did you do to your pants?

“What are you talking about?”

You said you literally shit your pants.

“Yeah dude it was fucking funny!”

No, what I’m asking is what did you do with your shitty pants?

“What? No dude I didn’t fucking shit on my pants. I LITERALLY shit my pants, man. You don’t understand, man. You don’t get it.”

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