Being/getting dead and bracing death.

You’re (We’re) all going to die.

Didn’t mean to remind you of it, but it is on your schedule. Yes. Probably will not happen when you want. Usually comes along when you’re not expecting it. There’s a time to die and it’s really okay.

Nobody wants to die. Nobody! Well… most people don’t want to die. Boy, if you think being sick is no fun, dying is a pain in the ass. People don’t mind being dead. Being dead is great, but getting dead… Nobody wants to get dead. So…

“I hope I don’t die”

I wonder how often we think that, you know? It’s just under the  surface, isn’t it? You go out for the day, going out of the house you will sometimes say “I hope I don’t die” in a very low volume of your voice.

But dying shouldn’t be that bad. It shouldn’t be! We’re all going to do it. It’s one of the few fair things in life. Everybody catches it once (LOL) and dying should be fun, there should be some sort of look ahead! After all, when you die you’re going to find out where you go. Haven’t we been wondering about all that for a long time now? “Where the heck we go?” Isn’t that like one of biggest things that we have to wonder about? Maybe you’ll go where you think you’re going to go. Whatever you think you’re going to do, that’s where you’re going to go. If you keep saying you’re going to go somewhere, chances are you might go there.You ever hear those guys who say

“I’m going to Hell. Don’t pray for me.”

He is!

Part of the reason we don’t want to die is because of that funeral. We’ve seen it, we know how bad news it is! It’s no fun! If I don’t like other people’s funerals well I’ll certainly not like my own funeral! There’s no way I can get behind my own funeral. I’m going to be lying there in my casket, they’re going to put me in a box, they’re going to put me on a convertible with top down and you know it’s embarrassing lying there and everybody is looking at you. Your dead… And they are looking! You’re just lying still in your funeral and people will come and stare at you with eyes wide open for a moment. Sometimes they’ll come over to you and, depends on what your religion is, they make a sign of the cross while they’re kneeling and they’re silent for a moment. Do you know what they do when they’re silent? They are subtracting their age from your age. They’ll eventually get up and say

“Don’t he look good? Don’t he just look good?”

“You crazy? He’s dead!”

“I know, but he never looked that good.”

They say the nicest things about you, they say the nicest things when you die. Your popularity goes straight up when you die! They’ll say the greatest things that can be said and they’ll even make stuff up if they have to.

“Yeah. He was an asshole… But he meant well! He’s a well-meaning asshole.”

Think of the flowers that you get when you die! You get more flowers when you die than you do when you were still alive. All your flowers arrive at once, but too late.

Well my feeling is if you are going to die, or if you know you are going to, die BIG! Nobody wants to just “pass away”. You don’t want to be a euphemism, do you? Nobody wants to pass away. Give it a shot! Go out big! It’s your chance! Die big! Work in a few posthumous reflexes for your friends! Cross your legs, or scratch your balls, do something! Give them a show before you go! Entertain and uplift and instruct those you are leaving behind!


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