Tragedy, Taxing Jesus, and the Perineum

When a great tragedy occurs and it’s being reported in the TV news, they get sad or cry and say things like “O it was terrible! It was tragic! But he’s in a better place now! He’s with Jesus!”

Then why are you crying?!

If he’s in this utopia why are you crying? He’s in the best place that you could think of! You should be happy! Did you cry and said it was terrible when you got a job promotion and a new car?!


If you think death leads to eternal bliss, why are you wearing a seat belt?

I’m just saying if that’s what gets you through your day, I’m not going to take it away from you but it’s a vice just like any of my vices. They tax all the vices. They tax all the cigarettes, alcohol. Every time you get into a legalization conversation with your friends about drugs or prostitution they’ll go “You know if they just legalize drugs, we could tax ’em and wipe out the deficit”. If you’re going to tax it, tax all the vices including, yes, Jesus because the Catholic Church has more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in the way.

Gets you through your day, sure. Maybe a pack of cigarettes and a hooker will get me through my day. The only difference is I don’t show up on a Sunday morning banging on your door persuading you to accept a hand job from a skank in a short vinyl skirt. Leave me the fuck out of it.


“I feel sorry for you because you don’t have Jesus in your life”

Well I feel sorry for you because you’re 45 years old and you still have a bogeyman under the bed.


The separation at Church and State is called the Perineum, ladies and gentlemen, and the Episiotomy did not hold. It’s all jammed up together in one hole. I’m just saying I don’t like the laws and legislations and all the same shit that control your life that originated with the Church. All vice laws are Church laws, Nudity laws. Everyone around me is saying “You know over there in Afghanistan, the Taliban makes the women wear veils over their faces. It’s sexist and horrible!”. Well their faces are your tits!

Different body parts, same religious bullshit!

I wonder if they have facey bars over there in Afghanistan, you think if you have enough money you can in some cave you look under the girl’s veil?


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