Advertising is full of bullshit III


We’re going to look at some advertising lingo here, especially food advertising.

You know their lines. “Fresh, natural, all-hearty, ol’-fashioned, home made goodness… In a  can”. That kind of stuff.

Let’s take a look at some of these words.

Old-Fashioned. When you hear old-fashioned you’re supposed to think “O this goes back to the old days!”. Right… The old days… Before we had sanitation laws, before hygiene became popular, back when botulism was considered a sauce! Old-fashioned is supposed to give you a warm feeling, make you think about your grandmother. I don’t know about you but when I’m picking out food I don’t wanna be picturing geriatric people with wrinkles in rags with a big and hairy mole sticking out of their infected lips.Then you have

Home Made. You see this in the packages in the super markets. Believe me, it is physically impossible for a food-processing plant to produce anything home made. I don’t care if the CEO is living in the basement and cooking on a hot plate. It’s not going to happen. You see home made in the restaurants too. Home made soup, home made stew and whatnot. The soup is not home made, unless someone is living in the kitchen and if that’s the case I want to get a good look at this bloke. I want to check this guy for lesions, carbuncles and ringworm and head lice. Another one, and it’s close to home made, is

Home Style. When the advertising imbeciles realize that home made sounds too full of shit they go to home style. Home style flavor. Whose home are we talking about? There’s nothing home style about the boiled head of a teenager, okay? Even if you sprinkle parsley or basil on the hair. Anytime they add the word Style to another word someone is pulling your brick. “Old style goodness”, what does that mean? Nothing! “Hawaiian style pizza”, it means it’s not located in Hawaii! The joint’s located in Makati, the owner is from the Bicol region and the food tastes like things that the Cebuanos throw away! Then you have

Gourmet. Here’s another word that the advertising cretins have completely wiped their asses with. “Gourmet dining in a cup”, “Gourmet cuisine in a can”. By the way, whenever you read or hear Cuisine in place of food be prepared to pay an extra eighty percent. “Gourmet rolls”, “Gourmet coffee”, “Gourmet pizza”, these things do not exist! You want to know what gourmet food is? Toasted Snail Penises, Candied Moose Testicles, Deep Fried Tamaraw Dick. Here’s another full of shit food word

Hearty. Soup is hearty, breakfast is hearty. You know what I do when I read or hear the word hearty? I look at the label. If it has 300 grams of saturated fat it is hearty indeed! Gives you the heart attack. It’s the same with Buttery, Lemony and Chocolaty. “Chocolaty goodness”. You know what that means? No chocolate! Beware when they add Flavor to another word. “Lemon flavored drink”. No lemons! “Chicken flavored treat”? Right. No fucking chickens.

Zesty and Tangy are not real words that normal human beings use in conversations. They’re advertising words. Do you ever heard someone saying “This is really zesty!” to you? One more food word and it is

Natural. This is directed to all you healthy food maniacs and environmental nitwits and upstart cocksuckers who are running around. Natural is completely meaningless. Everything is natural. Nature includes everything. It’s not just trees and flowers. It’s everything! A chemical company’s toxic waste is completely natural! It’s part of nature. We’re all part of nature. Dog shit is natural. It’s just not real good food.

Okay?!

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Advertising is full of bullshit II


Are you in line with Advertising or Marketing? If you are, kill yourself.

Just a little thought. I’m trying to plant seeds. 🙂

Seriously though, if you are then do it. There’s no rationalization for what you do & you are one of the roots of all evil here on Earth. Okay? Kill yourself, seriously. You are the ruiner of all things good.

Plant seeds.

Hang yourself, borrow a gun from a friend, I don’t care how you do it. Rid the world of your evil fuckin’ machinations.

If you think I’m doing an Anti-Advertising/Marketing peso, you’re wrong. If you think this is a Righteous Indignation peso you’re wrong. Quit putting a peso sign on everything fucking thing in this country!

Fuck these dysfunctional people.

Advertising is full of bullshit


This is called “Advertising Lullaby”, keeping in mind of course that the whole purpose of advertising is to lull you to sleep.

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Quality, value, style, service selection, convenience, economy savings, performance, experience, hospitality, low rates, friendly service, name brands, easy terms, affordable prices, money-back guarantee,

Free installation.

Free admission, free appraisal, free alternation, free delivery, free estimates, free home trial, & free parking.

No cash, no problem. No kidding!

No musk, no risk, no obligation, no red tape, no down payment, no entry fee, no hidden charges, no purchase necessary, no one will call on you, no payments & interests until June.

But…

Limited time only! Also, act now, send no money, order while supplies last, two to a customer, each item sold separately, batteries not included, mileage may vary, all sales are final, allow six weeks for delivery, some times are not available, some are assembly-required, some restrictions may apply.

Come on in!

Come on in for a free demonstration & a free consultation with our friendly, professional staff. Our experienced & knowledgeable sales representative will help you make selection that’s just right for you & just right for your budget and say, don’t forget to pick up your free gift!

A classic, deluxe, custom designer luxury, prestige, high quality, premium select, gourmet, pocket PENCIL SHARPENER. Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary. It’s our way of saying “Thank you!”, & if you act now we’ll include an extra-added, free, complimentary bonus gift! A classic, deluxe, custom designer luxury, prestige, high quality, premium select, gourmet KEY RING, MAGNIFYING GLASS &  GARDEN HOSE & a genuine, imitation leather style CARRYING CASE with  authentic vinyl trim.

Yours for the asking, no purchase necessary. It’s our way of saying “Thank you!”.

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Actually it’s our way of saying “Bend over just a little bit farther so we can stick this big advertising dick up your ass a little bit deeper, you miserable, no-good, consuming asshole!”

This… THIS is bullshit.

Ain’t it a bitch? 🙂