Children II

Boys are hard to raise, man. All my cousins have boys and I just feel for them because it’s really hard. But girls are just as hard to raise but on a whole other level. They’re just different. Here’s the difference between boys and girls:

Boys fuck things up. Girls are fucked up.

Boys just do damage to your house that you can measure in currencies, like a typhoon. Girls leave scars in your psyche that you find later, like a genocide or an atrocity.

One of my cousins came over once with her little boy who was four years at that time. She comes over and she’s been with him all day so she’s in bad shape. She’s got a drink and she says

“I can’t… I just can’t.. I just can’t do it anymore.”

So I tried pulled out a blanket and wrapped it around her to try to calm her down. Then her little boy walks up to her and he’s got a handful of sand. Sand. We don’t even have sand on our home and he’s got a handful of it. She walks up to his mom and just throws the sand right into her drink! It’s all she had and he just ruined it. Really confident on his part, though. It’s like “Yeah, that’s where that shit goes. Right there!”

I was blown away by this because girls would never dream of doing that. It would not even occur to their minds that a person could do that. But their fucked up!

Like that time when we are at one of my cousin’s house. My cousin has two little girls, one’s a five-year old and the others a three-year old. They were playing near me and the younger one broke her sister’s toy. The five-year old, knowing that I was near, came to me and demanded that I break her sister’s toy in return to make it fair…

…And I did.

That’s how much shit she gave me. I broke a little girl’s toy and I felt awful. I looked the older sister and she’s got a big and creepy smile on her face! What the fuck?

That’s the difference between boys and girls. It’s also the same for men and women, really. A man will steal your car or burn your house down or beat the shit out of you but a woman will ruin your fucking life. Do you see the difference? A man will cut your arm off and throw it into the river but he’ll leave you as a human being intact. He won’t fuck with who you are. Women are non-violent but they will shit inside your heart.



It’s all you hear in this country. “Help the children!”, “What about the children?”, “Save the children!”. You know what I say?

Screw the children!

They’re getting too much attention. Yes, I am going to attack them. I know that all you single dads and sucker moms who think you’re such heroes aren’t going to like this but somebody’s going to tell you for your own good. Your children are overrated and overvalued. You’ve turned them into cult objects! You have child fetish and it’s not healthy.

Don’t give that weak “Well I love my children” shit. Screw you. Everybody loves their children, it doesn’t make you special.

You know what’s completely out of balance? This constant, mindless, yapping in media. This neurotic, fixation that somehow everything has to be revolved around children. There are a couple of things about children that you have to remember: 1.) They’re not all cute. In fact if  you look at them up close you’ll notice that some of them are rather unpleasant looking. A lot of them don’t smell too good, either. The little ones, in particular, seem to have a urine and sour milk combination or something like that. 2.) Not all children are smart and clever. Kids are like any other group of people, a few winners and a whole lot of losers. There are a lot of loser kids out there who simply aren’t going anywhere. You can’t save ’em all, you got to let them go, you got to cut them loose and stop overprotecting them because you’re making them way too soft.

For one thing, there’s too much emphasis on safety. Child-proof medicine bottles, fire-proof pajamas, child restraints in the car seats and helmets. Kids have to wear helmets and safety gears now for everything but jerking off! Grown-ups have taken all the fun being a kid just to save a few thousand lives. It’s pathetic! What’s happening is that these soft baby boomers are raising a generation of soft, fruity kids who aren’t allowed to have hazardous toys for fuck’s sake.

Hazardous toy shit. Whatever happened to natural selection and survival of the fittest? The kid who swallows too many marbles doesn’t grow up to have kids of his own. Simple as that. Nature knows best. We’re saving entirely too many lives of all ages in this country. Nature should be allowed to do its job of killing off the weak and sickly and ignorant people without human interference! Just think of it as passive eugenics.

Back in my day we we’re tough. If kids can handle the violence at home they ought to be able to handle the violence at school. I’m not worried about guns in school, I’m more worried about guns in church. Well… That’s going to be a lot of fun. It’ll happen, you watch. Some numbnuts will go apeshit inside  the church and they’ll refer to him as a ‘disgruntled worshiper’.

Here’s another bunch of ignorant shit: School uniforms. I’ve always thought that this is a bad theory, which is the idea that if kids wear uniforms in school it helps keep order. Don’t these schools do enough damage by making all these kids think alike? They’ve made these kids look the same too! My idea isn’t new. It’s been on old newsreels from the 1930s.

One more item about children: This superstitious nonsense that blames tobacco companies for kids who smoke. They smoke for the same reasons as adults. It relieves anxiety and depression. You’d be anxious and depressed too if you have to put up with these pathetic, insecure, striving, banal yuppie parents who enroll you in college before you’re old enough to know which side of playpen smells the worst and then they fill you full of riddle and then drag you all over the town in search of meaningless structure. Sports fests for kids, cub scouts, Karate, piano, witchcraft, glass blowing and dildo practice. No wonder kids smoke. It helps. Not as much as weed, but hey it helps.

Want to know how you can help your children? Leave them the fuck alone!