Women II: Foreplay, Sex and Misogyny

Hey this was made just for the sake of humor. Don’t take this shit seriously.

I’m trying not to be sexist or a misogynist. Bah, let’s face it. Birds can’t take it.

After the women finished reading this article I expect them not to be offended. Of course not! They are thinking about shoes! They always are!

That’s post-modern misogyny. That joke was in fact ironic. I’ve got a theory as to why women by so many shoes! Because they spend so much time on their feet… Walking around shops… Buying shoes.


I’ve got a friend who doesn’t believe in sex before marriage so I showed him some photos and I said “She can’t be married to all four of them!”.


You know, my partner is a deep sleeper. You can’t wake her up easily, which has its advantages. She’s going to be thriller when I tell her she’s pregnant.

A couple of weeks ago I failed to perform sexually. I’m not going to elaborate that one. Suffice it to say, I arrived early. My partner said “Don’t worry. That happens to a lot of guys!”, I said

“Right. I’ll stop you there. A couple of things: First off, who were these ‘a lot of guys’? Secondly, if it’s happening to more than one man don’t you think it could be your fault? Hey, if you get a burning sensation later when you pee it could be one of three things: It could be Cystitis, it could be a bushfire, or someone’s talking about your pussy.”


Are there actually any women in the world who doesn’t like blowjobs?

Sorry, that’s the nicest and most truthful way that I can say that. The reason why I’m asking this is because one night I was with this woman and she goes down there for three seconds and she starts coming right back up. I’m trying to push her head down back but she’s resisting and a she said “I think you’ve had enough”.

Really? I think you’re going to know when I’ve had enough. Yeah. Pretty definite ending to this. It blew my mind, and that’s all that was blown, so I’m asking those ladies why don’t you want to do that to your guy? I cannot conceive a reason as to why you don’t want to do that.

Actually I’ve asked this question to my girl friends and they said “Yeah, have you ever tried it on yourself?” I said “No but if we can blow ourselves we will have no need of you ladies anymore.”

Some girls answer me with “Because that’s disgusting!”. Well that’s a tad harsh. It’s a bit funny too because the ladies do not hear us saying that it’s disgusting when we are down between your legs, and when we are down there we never hear you say anything like “O I’m going to throw up! O don’t put your finger on my OH!”… Or maybe we couldn’t hear that because our ears are being clamped by your thighs while we are down there.


Sometimes when I’m doing a chick, I can get to do her again the morning but sometimes I’ll say things like this

“No. When we fucked last night your hole was dry and now I’m sore. Your problem.”

My job was to get an erection. Your job was to get your hole wet. We both had things to do. Why didn’t you get your hole wet?

If I did not get an erection during sex I’ll be called impotent. A dry hole is just the same. A dry hole is an impotent hole and you’re not a complete woman and you should be ashamed of yourself.

Women don’t take responsibility for their dry holes. If I get to fuck a chick tonight and I did not get an erection, she’ll go back to her friends and say “I went to fuck that guy. He couldn’t get an erection”, but if I go to fuck a chick and she did not get her hole wet she’ll say to them, “I fucked that guy but he did not get me wet!”.

See the problem there? I need to be in charge of everything!


One of the worst text messages that I have ever received was this: “You never made me come”.

Pfft. Does she think she’s the one who makes me come? Do you know who makes me come? I do! All the horrible thoughts in my head makes me come! You have very little to do with it! You’re just a container that I shoot it into!



Let’s explain foreplay. It’s what we do to each other to be ready for sex. If I have an erection, that means I’m ready for sex and I’m all foreplayed out. Now the foreplay that’s necessary for women goes like this:

Kiss them. Women love kissing. Men do not give a shit about kissing. We kiss you because we like you and, let’s be honest, we spoil you. Men do NOT  give a shit about kissing. During the teenage years we do until someone sucked our dick. After their dicks get sucked they’ll be like “Why am I kissing? Why am I kissing this person?! Why would I ride on the swings when I’ve already been to Disneyland?”.

Then you start kissing her neck and while you’re doing that you’re working downwards. Towards the cunt. You know you’re going to the cunt, she knows you’re going to the cunt, everybody knows you’re going to the cunt!

You are going to the cunt but for some unknown reasons you’re going to act like you’re not going to the cunt, and that you’re enjoying the journey on the body of this creature. Women. You got to give them a journey. Men do not give a shit about the journey. If a man is driving from point A to point B, we fill the tank, we get on the motorway and we make good time. With women, you got to give them a fucking journey.


Women read so many magazines about how to send their man wild, how to titillate their man, all these 25 steps to do blah blah blah. It’s just a lot of fucking bullshit. “Get a feather!”, “Involve food in their relationship!”, “Play with his nipples!”, fucking bullshit! These things are dead to me, my nipples. These mean nothing! You could cut these off and donate them to some poor African child without nipples and I would not give a fuck!

This is just what we want you to do: Fuck and suck our cock and play with our balls, and when you’re sucking our cocks try to look like you’re in a bit of pain because we enjoy it if you look uncomfortable!


Back to the foreplay.

You keep kissing down. Now you are at the tits. Now the tits are a mixed bag. Some tits you got to be firm with, some tits you got to be soft with, some tits you can bite the nipple, and some tits do not even have a nipple.

You still keep kissing and now you are at the cunt. But even if you’re at the cunt, you have to act like you’re not on the cunt. You have to act like you have stumbled on the cunt by accident. So you’ll be kissing a little bit of the thigh while the cunt is just near your ear and you have to sort of almost “Oh, hello! I was visiting the thigh I forgot you live down here! You mind if I pop in?”, then you lick the general cunt area. Then there is a bit that’s on top of the cunt. If you lick that they seem to enjoy it. LOL.

This all takes between ten and forty minutes and by now she might be wet, and that’s the foreplay that’s necessary for women.

Now for the foreplay that’s necessary for men:

We just need to see you naked. Maybe you need kisses, caresses, compliments and licks when all we need is you. Maybe we take our relationship seriously.

Wasn’t that a romantic joke? 🙂

Hey! As soon as you finish this, read this article’s introduction again!


My motives here are not selfish or personal. I’m not saying all this stuff to get in good with women, although an occasional blowjob would be nice. But it’s not a requirement. It’s optional. BJO. Blowjob optional. 


Here’s all you need to know about men & women.

Women are crazy. Men are stupid. The main reason why women are crazy is that men are stupid. It’s not the only reason but it’s a big one.

If you don’t think men are stupid check the newspapers. Ninety-nine percent of all the truly horrifying crap going on in this world was initiated, established, perpetrated and enabled or continued by men. That includes doing “the wave” and the high-five, two of history’s truly low points.

Besides knowing that men are stupid, it’s also important to know that women are crazy. If you don’t think women are crazy I order you to ask a man. That’s the one thing men aren’t stupid about. They know for sure, way down deep in their hearts, that women are straight-out, fucking nuts.

It doesn’t just happen and it isn’t an accident. Women have good reason to be nuts. The main one being  that in the course of life, compared with men, they have far more to put up with. They bear greater responsibilities. Think of it this way: In the big cosmic cafeteria, as human beings move down the chow line of life and reach that section where shit are being spooned out, women are given several portions.

I just think it should be evident to any person who’s being honest and thinking clearly that women carry a lot more of life’s baggage than men.

To begin with, they’re smaller and weaker so they get slapped, punched, raped, abused, and beaten on a regular basis by men, of course, who are stronger. If women were stronger this would not be happening. Men would not raise a hand if they thought the balance is more equal. They’d back down quickly. Then again, if women were stronger they’d be beating the shit out of men just for the fun of it. It’s only fair.

A wedding is one of those good deals that women get. The man takes a wife, the woman is given away and everyone stands around hoping she gets pregnant immediately.

Pregnancy. Another treat for the gals. The women gain forty or so pounds, puke in the morning, walk like a duck, get sore tits and develop a nice set of hemorrhoids. What a deal! Sometimes they can’t get off the couch without someone’s assistance. Well it’s her own fault. This wouldn’t have happened if she has taken her birth control pills or used her diaphragm.

But think of how fulfilling it can be! She now has a baby! A baby she gets to practically raise alone and if she decides to be a stay-at-home mom she gets to cook, clean, sew, scrub, scour, wax, wash, dry, iron, do the shopping, drive the van and entertain the guests. She’s a house wife! An unpaid, domestic servant.

Admittedly, that description is a bit more in line with the old model. The new model is so much better. She gets a fucking job so she can be bringing something in but somehow she still ends up as an unpaid, domestic servant after she gets home from the job. You know that job, where she gets paid less than men for the same work, where she does not rise beyond a certain level in the company, where she gets harassed all day long by some oversexed moron with a lump in his pants.

Probably better if she just stays home, where she won’t get bothered by that pesky paycheck crap and there’s none of that nonsense about social security and pension plans. The only problem she’s going to delve upon is that if her ex-partner has not yet given her and their child’s monthly allowance. That is if she can still locate her ex-partner. She’d probably think sometimes that the reason why she was deserted by her ex-partner is because she’s a little bit used up, dumped her for someone who’s milk glands hadn’t sagged yet.

Can’t forget those milk glands, can we? Tits! Two tits sticking straight out of your chests! Yes women, just by the virtue of you being female you get to walk around all your life with two milk glands hanging in front of you like lanterns and if somehow you should get the idea that men don’t approve of the size and shape of those milk glands you’ll find plenty of social pressure to have those milk glands artificially enhanced. Such enhancement will be performed and supervised by men.

Here’s another physical treat for you women: Periods! Cramping, bloating and bleeding for almost a week every month. More or less fifteen percent of their monthly time! What more if you add the time that they’ve spent on PMS? Man gave it that name. If women named it, it would be called “My several days of shrieking and crying and depression just before my several days of bleeding, cramping and bloating”. Men don’t quite see it from that angle. Men experience PMS as a problem for them.

Some more special female advantages, in case you haven’t had enough: Pap Smears, Mammograms, Hysterectomy, Mastectomy, Miscarriages, Abortions, Labor Pains, Child Birth Pain, Episiotomy, Stretch Marks, Breast Feeding and Postpartum Depression. Can’t imagine why she wouldn’t feel good. Just to top it all off: Menopause!

These aren’t “good deals”, “treats” or “advantages”, by the way.

What are the exchanges for all of these? What is the woman’s pay-off? Why she gets to board the lifeboat first, at least theoretically. How often do you think that really happens? Let’s not forget that many men are willing to open the door for her. In fact some men are impressed in their willingness to do this.

I’ll tell you what a bad deal women got: They are in the majority part of this planet but they still wind up at the shitty end of the stick. One amazing thing about women is that, in spite of all the shit that they have to put up with, they live longer than men. So who do you think is tougher: Men or women? Take a guess! Remember,

Women have the otherworldly huge added burden of having to put up with men.