My Reality Shows! :)


I’ve decided to cash in on TV’s reality show trend! And I ave several ideas, but they may need a little work, you know, before I approach the networks. Here’s what I’m working on:

1.) This first idea grew out of Survivor but I have a new twist. You put 12 people on a barren island and you let them starve to death. You make sure they get NO FOOD  but you provide plenty of fresh drinking water. You don’t want them to die of thirst. You want them to starve to death. Now that would be entertaining enough but here’s fun part: You make sure that half of the contestants are large, aggressive, physically fit individuals and the other half are small, mild-mannered, and physically weak.

Then you wait them out and see who survives. What’s more than that is you watch HOW THEY SURVIVE! The show is called

GUESS WHO’S FOR DINNER?

The only part I haven’t decided on is to provide them with utensils.

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2.) Here’s another idea that I think has a pretty good shot at the networks…

MANIAC ON DRUGS!

Each week you put a different homicidal maniac in a van filled with assault rifles and ammunition and you provide him with huge amounts of speed, crack, acid and PCP. Then you just let him drive around a highly urbanized city for several days and you video tape everything he does. Naturally, you clear all this with the police so that they don’t interfere with the smooth flow of the show.

At the end of 13 weeks you take all maniacs, give them fresh supply of drugs, and turn them loose at amusement parks with rocket-propelled grenades. Actually, now that I think about it, this idea is too good for the networks. I gotta put it on pay-per-view.

Here’s a variation for the finale (in case the people at amusement parks get squeamish):

You give the maniacs the same drugs but instead of grenade launchers you go back to the assault rifles. Everything’s the same but this time you put them on an ordinary non-stop passenger train from New York to Los Angeles. You strap video cameras to their heads and you let them run loose on the train, allowing them to befriend the other passengers.

Remember! It’s NON-STOP! No one can get off! I guarantee you that there’ll be a lot of great footage. By the way, to save a little money, this could also be done on a Greyhound bus. But you need a really good driver so he won’t get easily distracted.

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3.) Here’s a show that I’m proudest of because it took the most thought I call it

LUCKY BACHELOR!

Our chosen guy is selected from letters sent into the show.

Step One: The lucky bachelor is sent out on 3 different occasions to pick up women in cheap bars and bring each of them to a hotel where he tries to fuck them. If they go along easily, he then convinces them to commit a perverted act involving a floor lamp, a woodpecker and a box of rubber  bands. An act most people would consider completely depraved. All these activities are video taped.

Step Two: We stop 3 men at random on the street and show them the videos and ask them which of the women the lucky bachelor should marry. That women is called  the designated bride. We then ask the 2 losing women to vote on which of the three random street guys look like the best fuck. That guy is called the designated best fuck street guy.

Step Three: We take the 2 losing street guys and the 2 losing bar girls and feed them near fatal dozes of aphrodisiac, put them in thong bathing suits, and turn them loose on an adult sex shop with unlimited credit. This footage, strictly an added feature, could possibly be some of the liveliest on the show.

Now the alert reader is probably wondering and saying “What happened to our original bachelor?” Well, in

Step Four: We arrange for him and the designated best fuck street guy to stage a bare knuckle street fight to the death in the center aisle of the St. Peter’s in Rome during a papal high mass. The 2 men must keep fighting until one of them dies. It’s important to the show! As a side feature, we keep a camera trained on the Pope and every time he falls asleep during the fight, we give the guys an extra $100. The reason on why it is important that one of them dies is because the next day, in the same church, we’re going to hold

Step Five: A combination of a wedding and a funeral! The loser of the fight gets the funeral. The winner gets to marry the designated hotel fuck bride, with the remaining losing bar and hotel participants serving as bridesmaids and pall-bearers. We then give the newly weds all the leftover drugs on Maniac On Drugs and send them on a honeymoon to some nice and conservative golfing resort where they’re required to take large amounts of drugs and 2 weeks of golf and tennis lesson.

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4.) This next one is my make-over show. My working title is

TRY LOOKING LIKE THAT FOR A CHANGE!

You start by picking 3 incredibly beautiful and successful supermodels. And then, against their will, you sedate them, strap them down, and subject them to extensive plastic surgery. You give them big misshapen noses, sagging eye bags and plenty of wrinkles and drooping skin on their faces. Then you pump enough fat into their asses, hips and thighs to make them really unhappy.

When they come out of the anesthesia, the audience yells “Try looking like that for a change!”

I’m so excited about this one that I’m working on a variation that involves involuntary sex change surgery!

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Well that’s it for reality shows! I suppose all that’s left for me is to tell you about a show called “Bowel Movement”. Basically, it’s a show that involves a fixed position camera, a toilet and a series of guys with diets organized primarily around beer and extra spicy Mexican food. Perhaps it’s better if I don’t go into too much detail at this time.

And you know something I’m thinking? This one might actually belong on cable.

Well, that’s it folks! I’ve done all I can to develop a hit show but the creative process can take you so far. The rest is up to you. The public. And I’m counting on your good taste!

realitytv

Last century’s hostilities


The 20th Century. By the numbers.

The following is a list of hostilities that took place in the 20th Century among the so-called civilized nations of the world. The uncivilized were unable to provide reliable statistics.

Here it goes!

1 Cold War

2 World Wars

2 Nuclear Attacks

2 Vest Pocket Wars

4 Total Genocides

4 Holocausts

4 Brush Fire Wars

13 Measured Responses

21 Counter-Revolutions

28 Revolutions

98 International Powder Kegs

50 Total Enslavements

106 Reigns of Terror

165 Internal Upheavals

236 Protective Reactions

250 Civil Wars

285 Commando Strikes

286 Popular Uprisings

296 Declared Wars

307 Arms Raises

311 Holy Wars

331 Wars of Containment

413 Limited Wars

438 Preempted Strikes

457 Insurgencies

458 Counter-Insurgencies

461 Partial Genocides

515 Regional Tinderboxes

516 Wars of Liberation

575 Betrayals of the Masses

601 Overseas Entanglements

614 Long-Term Persecutions

622 Strife-Torn Regions

630 Outside Aggressions

639 Dangerous Escalations

639 Repressive Measures

646 Surgical Strikes

668 Heightening of Tensions

691 Wars of Honor

715 Rebellions

735 Deliberate Provocations

745 Political Repressions

745 Counter-Coup d’états

746 Coup d’états

798 Sectarian Rivalries

818 Armed Resistances

818 Military Flash Points

823 Slaughters

837 Partial Enslavements

844 Surprise Attacks

849 Foreign Adventures

856 Undeclared Wars

911 Shows of Force

921 Military Confrontations

938 Naked Aggressions

943 Jihads

946 Carpet Bombings

958 Grabs for Power

1,126 Violent Outbursts

1,633 Swift Reprises

1,877 Areas of Unrest

1,987 Acts of War

2,155 Frontal Assaults

2,415 Heated Exchanges

3,047 Social Conflicts

3,096 Atrocities

3,115 Boundary Disputes

3,422 Direct Interventions

3,466 Suicide Missions

3,721 Terrorist Bombings

4,288 Threats to Security

4,392 Diplomatic Deadlocks

4,622 Covert Operations

4,756 Belligerent Moves

6,578 Government Massacres

7,756 Warlike Acts

8,571 Violent Disturbances

9,876 Mass Detentions

11,904 Guerrilla Operations

12,000 Bloodbaths

12,111 Acts of Treachery

12,194 Acts of Sabotage

13,658 Seize Fire Violations

13,678 Civil Disturbances

17,876 Hostile Incidents

82, 879 Ultimatums

788,979,747 Heated Arguments

823,275,571 Shoving Matches

917,704,296 Fistfights

942,759,050 Snotty Phone Calls

That’s how we did during the 20th Century, folks. All in all, not a bad record considering the number of fools in our ranks.

 

 

 

Gun Enthusiasts


Don’t you just love this self-description? That’s what they call themselves.

If they are gun enthusiasts then I’m a blowjob enthusiast. You want to see me shoot? Cock me and I’ll discharge a load for you.

But I’m not against guns. I’m not one of those plastic and mindless cocksuckers. Not against guns, not against bullets and I’m not even against people shooting each other. Shooting someone is a part of our country.

I don’t care who it is. Parents, teachers, or kids, fuck them and let them get shot. Won’t stir me at all.