Misconceptions about us atheists.


It is commonly imagined that atheists think there is nothing beyond human life and human understanding. The truth is that atheists are free to admit that there is much about the Universe that we do not understand.

It is obvious that we don’t understand the Universe but it is even more obvious that neither The Bible nor The Qur’ an reflects our best understanding of it.

There could be life on other planets. Complex life. Technically accomplished civilization. Imagine a civilization that’s a million years old, as supposed to a thousand. Atheists are free to imagine this possibility! They are also free to admit that if such brilliant extraterrestrials exist, The Bible and The Qur’an are going to be less impressive to them than they are to human atheists.

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It is also often imagined that atheists are, in principle, closed to spiritual experience. But the truth is that nothing prevents an atheist from experiencing self-transcending love, or ecstasy, or rapture or. in its simplest form, awe. In fact, nothing is preventing an atheist from going to a cave for a year or a decade and practice meditation like a proper mystic.

What atheists don’t tend to do is make unjustified and unjustifiable claims about the cosmos on the basis of those experiences. There’s no question that disciplines like meditation or prayer have a profound effect on the human mind. But do the positive experiences of, let’s say, Christian mystics, over the ages, suggest that Jesus is the sole savior of humanity?

Not even remotely! Because Christians have been having these experiences, but so do Buddhists, and Muslims, and even atheists! So there’s a deeper reality here and it makes a mockery of religious denominations.

The fact is that whenever human beings make an honest effort to get at a certain truth, they reliably transcend the accidents of their birth and upbringing. It would be absurd to speak about Christian physics, although Christians invented physics and to speak about Muslim algebra, although Muslims have invented algebra. It will one day be absurd to speak about Christian or Muslims ethics or spirituality.

Whatever is true about our circumstance, in ethical and spiritual terms, is discoverable now! And can be articulated without offending or making device of claims about the unique sanctity of any book or dedicating our lives to rumors of ancient miracles.

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Finally, there is this notion that atheism is responsible for the greatest crimes in the 20th century. Now this is actually amazing because this is the most frequent objection that I have come across but I’ll deal with it briefly.

It’s amazing how many people think that the crimes of Adolf Hitler and Pol Pot and Mao Zedong were the result of atheism. The truth is this is a total misconstrue of what went on with those societies and these psychological and  social forces that allow people to follow their dear leader over the brink.

The problem with fascism and communism was not that they were too critical of religion, but the problem is that they are actually LIKE religion. These are utterly dogmatic systems of thought. More than half a decade ago, Rick Warren suggested that North Korea was a ‘model atheist society’ and that any atheist, with the courage of his conviction, should want to move there.

The truth is North Korea is organized exactly like a faith-based cult, centered on the worship of Kim Jong-un. The North Koreans apparently believe that the American shipments of food aid that they receive from them to keep them from starving from death are actually devotional offerings to Kim Jong-un.

Is too little faith really the problem with North Korea? Is too much skeptical inquiry is what is wrong here? Auschwitz, the gulags, and the killing fields are not the product of atheism. They are the product of other dogmas such as nationalism and other political dogmas.

Hitler did not engineer genocide in Europe because of atheism. Hitler does not even appear to be an atheist because he always involved Jesus in his speeches, but that is beside the point. He did it on the basis of other beliefs and dogmas and the purity of German blood.

The history of Muslim Jihad does have something to do with Islam. The atrocities of September 11th did have something to do with what 19 men believed about martyrdom and paradise! The fact that we’re not funding stem cell research at the federal level does have something to do with what Christians believe about conception and human soul.

It’s important to focus on the specific consequences of specific ideas.

I want to make it clear that I am not holding religion responsible for every bad thing that a religious person has done in human history or to be balanced against all the bad things that the atheists have done. I’m only holding religion responsible for what people do and will continue to do, explicitly for religious reasons.

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Incorporating Christianity with North Korea.


You can be an atheist and wish there was a God. Many atheists I know do wish it was true. Why do I not?

Because I don’t want to live in a celestial North Korea.

When I was young, I was told what it feels to be in Paradise. You get to praise God all the time. Forever… And continually thanking him for everything he is doing for you, sometimes with the aid of musical instruments.

But that’s the thing. That’s what Paradise is all about. Sounds like Hell to me.

I also wondered, what would it be like?  I could not quite picture it. An attempt has been made on Bedazzled, the first version. Trying to convey how ghastly it would be. Well, now I know. I’ve seen and watched enough about states where there is worship from dawn until dusk, and thanking for everything you got, every tiny crumb… And that’s what you’ll get too. A tiny crumb. Nothing but thanks, nothing but praise.

Not everybody knows this but the late Kim Jong-il is not the absolute dictator of North Korea. He’s only the head of the party and of the North Korean army.

kimjongil

The head of the state, the president is his (also late) father who has been dead for almost 2 decades. Kim Il-sung. He’s still the president. For life. You could call it necrocracy or thanatocracy.

kimilsung

If you noticed, it’s one short of a trinity. Well, not now. We have Kim Jong-un.

kimjongun

That’s what it would be like if this horrible, Bronze Age, Palestinian myth was true. Unending, eternal, unchallengeable, unchangeable slavery.

Who wants it to be true?

That’s my first question to myself. I’ll answer it later. LOL. Here’s my question to you:

Why would anyone want it to be true?

Stupid things about Mormonism


It’s interesting that everyone, with just the tiniest cursory knowledge of Scientology and its beliefs in Dianetics and the tenets of Dianetics married with the information about its author, this megalomaniac science fiction writer (L. Ron Hubbard), you can just know those two little tiny things about Scientology and go

“Wow! What a load of bullshit!”

Well, that’s Mormonism is. Same thing. It’s a religion invented by a liar. A convicted fraud that now can pass legislation in the states of U.S.A. far, far away from their headquarters that deny gay people their equal rights. They make sure that shit is taxed up double.

It’s so weird to me and tragic that you have to explain to somebody who is sitting outside the hospital, whose partner of 40 years is dying and they do not have the same visitation rights as the family that ostracized him for being gay, who hasn’t seen him in 40 years. They can go visit him as he die, but he can’t. He’ll be like “I don’t understand, how can this possibly be! This is unfair and unjust!” and they’ll be like

“Well, here’s the deal: Almost two centuries ago, a guy named Joseph smith, a convicted fraud, claims an angel named Moroni appeared before him and said that God had picked him out to find these golden plates that had been buried thousands of years ago just down the street from where he lived. He was to go dig up them up and translate them BUT NOBODY ELSE IS TO SEE THEM EVER, EVER. And then Joseph Smith dug up the plates and used his seer stone and he’s like ‘Wait a second, these are Egyptian hieroglyphics. How am I going to translate it?’ and Moroni gave him some ‘magic glasses’. So he donned the magic glasses, talked to his wife and his neighbor and dictated what eventually became the Book of Mormon which, oddly enough and coincidentally, has Masonic imagery and ideals because Joseph and his brother Hyrum were masons at that time, but the plates were from thousands of years ago.

“And then a bunch of people believed this and that’s why you can’t go visit your loved one. Sorry!”

Bummer.

The Bible. A book chock full of rumors.


The trouble about rumor is if it is written down, someone would believe it. You can have the most far-fetched, made up, impossible, illogical bullshit and if it is in print, someone would believe it!

Just look at The Bible.

Old Testament. O, that’s my favorite. It’s brilliant! I like The God in that one. It’s the better one. The New Testament God, he’s a bit wishy-washy. The Old Testament God is like a dad from the 1950s. He takes his belt off and he’s like “What did you just fucking do?! You know the rules! You fucker… FLOOD! You! What have you done?! Here’s one for you! PESTILENCE! Fuck off.”

I’ve been an atheist for a long time now and when I went to college, by then I knew about Natural Selection, The Big Bang Theory, Carbon Dating and the legitimate and approximate age of the Earth. My theology teacher, I was the bane of his life. Looking back, he was a bit thick and deeply religious. He hated me. He hated me because I was smart (Is that what you call it?) and I wouldn’t let him get away with anything. So when he said things like “…and God made the Heaven and  the Earth in six days and the Earth is 5,000 years old”, I’ll always say “No, it isn’t! It’s 4,600,000,000 Billion years old!”, and when I ask him “Why did he do that?” he’ll always fire back with “God can do anything.” and I’ll be like “Why did he do it in six? Why didn’t he do it in five? Let’s push him a little bit.”

He was saying that everything that happens, God does. He’s done everything, everything that happens, he means everything, he’s on top of it, he’s everywhere and everything he does is good. Well that’s clearly not true either. Why newborn babies are taken away from their parents? They’re innocent. Why are some people born into abject poverty? And he went:

GOD MOVES IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS

It’s not an answer, is it? We swear on The Bible on the court of laws, still and if the judge will say to you “How do you account with fact that you say you were home, asleep at midnight, but we found your DNA at the scene of the crime?” and you went “I move in mysterious ways, good night! It will wash!”

This is how stupid this teacher was. A kid asked him, “Sir, why do we swear on The Bible on the court of laws?”. Clearly, the answer is if you believe in God and if that’s your God, you believe in him and you believe he is watching you, you get a guild trip and you don’t lie. Yet, he didn’t work that out. So, thinking on his feet, he said “Because every law of the land is mentioned in The Bible” I quickly said “No, it isn’t!”, he said “Yes it is. Somewhere in The Bible, every law of this land is mentioned.”. I went “Even video piracy?”

A friend of mine, who I know is religious, said that “O him? (Referring to me) He deconstructs The Bible. That’s too easy.”.Well it shouldn’t be! If you believe that The Bible is a serious doctrine, it shouldn’t be too easy to deconstruct.

Our theology teacher said “God is everywhere and in everything. He’s solidly through the Universe” and I came prepared, and I thought this will end it, I said “Sir, is God in a vacuum? A vacuum is something that’s scientifically proven to have nothing in it.” and he went “Yep!” with a cough! That’s it! I thought to myself that I can’t win that, so I said:

“Is he at my ass?”

“Is he up your ass?”

“Sir, is God up all our asses? Including Richard Gere’s. It must be crowded up there, isn’t it?”

The New Testament is founded on the belief that Jesus is half-man, half-God, born from a virgin womb. I think that particularly is a rumor. But hey! Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but if you believe in God… You’re wrong.

Tragedy, Taxing Jesus, and the Perineum


When a great tragedy occurs and it’s being reported in the TV news, they get sad or cry and say things like “O it was terrible! It was tragic! But he’s in a better place now! He’s with Jesus!”

Then why are you crying?!

If he’s in this utopia why are you crying? He’s in the best place that you could think of! You should be happy! Did you cry and said it was terrible when you got a job promotion and a new car?!

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If you think death leads to eternal bliss, why are you wearing a seat belt?

I’m just saying if that’s what gets you through your day, I’m not going to take it away from you but it’s a vice just like any of my vices. They tax all the vices. They tax all the cigarettes, alcohol. Every time you get into a legalization conversation with your friends about drugs or prostitution they’ll go “You know if they just legalize drugs, we could tax ’em and wipe out the deficit”. If you’re going to tax it, tax all the vices including, yes, Jesus because the Catholic Church has more money than any Colombian cartel and they leave a lot more bodies in the way.

Gets you through your day, sure. Maybe a pack of cigarettes and a hooker will get me through my day. The only difference is I don’t show up on a Sunday morning banging on your door persuading you to accept a hand job from a skank in a short vinyl skirt. Leave me the fuck out of it.

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“I feel sorry for you because you don’t have Jesus in your life”

Well I feel sorry for you because you’re 45 years old and you still have a bogeyman under the bed.

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The separation at Church and State is called the Perineum, ladies and gentlemen, and the Episiotomy did not hold. It’s all jammed up together in one hole. I’m just saying I don’t like the laws and legislations and all the same shit that control your life that originated with the Church. All vice laws are Church laws, Nudity laws. Everyone around me is saying “You know over there in Afghanistan, the Taliban makes the women wear veils over their faces. It’s sexist and horrible!”. Well their faces are your tits!

Different body parts, same religious bullshit!

I wonder if they have facey bars over there in Afghanistan, you think if you have enough money you can in some cave you look under the girl’s veil?

My favorite thing about The Bible


My favorite thing about The Bible is how all the things that will take place in the future are already antiquated. How all the prophecies have been completely antiquated there since The Bible was written and then re-written and then edited and then re-edited and then translated from dead languages and then re-translated and then re-re-edited and then re-re-translated and then given to kings to take their favorite parts out and then re-edited and then re-translated and then re-re-edited and then re-re-translated and given to the Pope for him to approve and then re-re-translated and then re-re-written and then re-translated and re-edited again. All based on stories that were told orally 30 to 90 years after they happened to people who did not know how to write.

I guess what I’m saying is that The Bible is literally the world’s oldest game of whisper down the lane.

 

 

 

There are no atheists in foxholes.


Why religious people always say that there are no atheists in foxholes? If you really believe that God is protecting you, why do you need to take cover in a foxhole? Why? God works in mysterious ways? It seems to me that anyone who takes cover in a foxhole is an atheist, even if they say they believe in God. Like it or not, their actions are that of an atheist. If there is really a God who answered your prayers there would be no need for foxholes in the first place.

“God works in mysterious ways” is like saying “I have no fucking explanation for bullshit”.